Friday, October 17, 2008

mallblograt (warning: vent. with no pictures. read at your own risk.)

I had a rehearsal in Syracuse this morning (10-12:30) and have a concert tonight (8pm). Ithaca is 70 minutes away, and it didn't really make sense to drive back despite how much stuff I have to do. I brought my computer and the paper for the programs, fully intending to find a Kinko's - oh excuse me, FedEx Office - and FINALLY copy the program that I've been putting off for weeks.

Instead, I ended up at the mall. It's a much bigger, much nicer mall than anything close to Ithaca, and I have no problem admitting that I love me a mall. Yes, it's a little depressing, and yes, a lot of stuff looks the same, but I love feeling anonymous - it's especially great going to a mall somewhere you don't live, for that reason! I went to the Apple Store and got my computer looked at (I need more RAM), got Tim some stripy wedding socks with red and purple in them, a $10 pretty green silk sleeveless top from Old Navy, and some yummy-smelling foaming liquid soaps from Bath & Body Works. I'm a total sucker for those soaps. When I got here, I thought it would be awesome to go to a movie (Rachel Getting Married!) and really take the afternoon off if I was indeed going to avoid doing the programs, but nothing there appealed. So I walked until my feet hurt, got cranky looking at Macy's because there's so much shit in there and just generally WAY too much merchandise - it feels like a discount store since they bought out all those other stores, though some of their stores are better than others and this one SUCKS - and got myself an oven-roasted chicken breast sub on honey wheat with spinach, tomatoes, green peppers, spicy mustard, and Swiss cheese. From Subway. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this.

Anyway, I had a minor breakdown last night. For a while now, I've been panicking about my dress. I haven't wanted to admit it (to myself or anyone else), but I was really, really unhappy with how my dress looked when I left Seattle. It was like Chrissy just didn't understand my body. I'm not going to get into all the ins and outs of what was wrong with it, but I did feel like I was pretty clear about what I wanted, and I *KNOW* my measurements were correct, and honestly... she just fucked up. Like, it was several inches too short, it was too small and very awkward-fitting in the boobs, and it just did. not. fit. She worked really hard over the few days we were there to fix it, but I guess she just didn't have enough time to do a really careful job of it - she had machine-sewed a lot of parts that Marilyn (Milwaukee seamstress) ended up taking apart and hand-sewing so they'd look better, and there were some seams in really funky places (like the front middle, on the extra sheer fabric she had to add because she messed up the height/length measurement). I'm lucky that Marilyn was able to do a lot of great work on it, but I still don't have the dress. And it's stressing me out that I won't be able to try it on until Monday, when my mom gets into town. I'm having visions of having to rush-order five dresses from Nordstrom or Bloomingdale's or something, and hope that one fits. I think it'll be "fine," but everyone wants her dress to be better than "fine," right? I mean, even if it fits, it's still not exactly what I envisioned, and it's a bummer that I have this custom-made dress that's just not the perfect dress. Sigh.

So anyway, I was trying to revise seating/table assignments. I had them all done with mostly tables of 7/8/9/10, and those #s all go at the same size oblong table. 9 or 10 is a squeeze. Then we have ONE table of 6, which is round. The thing that bugs me is that we only have 100 guests, so 12 somewhat crowded tables in a fairly spacious room looks and feels strange. I decided that I wanted more 6-person tables. But I really liked the tables as they were, socially speaking. So I was freaking out. And I had only slept 5-6 hours two nights in a row, plus driven 2.5 hours both days, which for me is an absolutely disastrous combination. Tim was sitting there watching me come unraveled, and he offered to do the seating assignments - but he was just like, "oh, just take one couple from each of 3 tables and stick them together." AAAGGHHHHH!!!!! You can't do that!!! I can't even imagine. (Anyway, he took the papers away from me and was dealing with it today. We'll see how that goes.)

So when I panicked about that, I was like, "you want to see something I'm *really* worried about?" and showed him the post with the pics of me in my dress. I know, I know, curses!!! But I wanted to show him that I'm not being *completely* irrational (or maybe get a little encouragement that it's not as bad as I've been thinking it is). He was honest and said he thinks it's cool but will look much better when it fits better, and was really sweet about saying, "well, it's not like I saw 'your' dress - 'your' dress will fit you differently. It's different." Somehow that made me feel a little better.

But honestly, what I really need is several good nights' sleep, and I wish I just didn't have so much going on right now. I have 5 hours of teaching before driving to play tomorrow night's concert, and then drive to frickin' Geneva on Sunday to play a runout concert. And then my mom comes on Monday, which will not exactly bring calm to the masses despite helping out a tremendous amount. I guess this is what happens. Coffee is a good thing. (On that note, let's all thank my cousin for the amazing coffee she gave me...)

Ooh, I lied - I can give you some pictures: my rehearsal dinner dress, which fits me much better than my wedding dress, and the necklace I'm wearing with it. I love that the necklace is so busy and crazy but totally contained to the pendant, and I love the colors. And that it has silver and gold. Love it. I think I'm going to wear my knee-high brown suede boots that have beige stitching at the seams.


N said...

Wow, I love that necklace!!! And the dress too. Have a great concert.

Jes said...

Gorgeous dress and necklace! Is yours that color? I LOVE the orange!
Wish we would have met BEFORE you bought your wedding dress! Then I could have made you one. :-( Anyway, don't worry about the rest of the stuff. I'm wrapping it up tonight, it'll go in the mail Monday and it'll ALL look good! Give me a ring if you have a free minute this week and need to vent. Hang in there. The best part is almost here!

Guilty Secret said...

Sorry you've been having such a hard time. I totally sympathise because when I went to pick up my dress on Friday, it too looked all wrong. My boobs looked, in my sister's words, "like squashed moons"! But we got it sorted out and yours will get sorted out too.

I totally love your rehearsal outfit. I have a dress just like that and I always get complimented on it so I bet you will too!

mamamilkers said...

Your rehearsal dress is gorgeous!!!

I am so sad to hear about your Wai-Ching. What a huge, huge let-down. I hope it all comes together as you would like it to by the time of your wedding.

Stelie Designs said...


you have a short time until your wedding, this is when everyone melts down. sleep becomes less while the mind keeps swimming with things to do, etc.

i am truly sorry to hear about the dress, i wanting to be a frugal bride, bought a bridesmaids dress in white, i loved it when i tried it on in black, not so much when i got it in person. i pretty much kept my feelings about my dress too myself except for the "maybe i should get a dress for the reception too" my future husband didn't understand.

plus, my deep burgandy calla lilies never arrived so our small business florist made our bouquets by dying the roses a deep burgandy. they looked awful and the deep red would've been better.

so i hated my dress, i hated my flowers but i love my husband and all that really mattered was marrying him in front of our family and friends.

sometimes we get so wrapped up in the event turning out just perfect because we put so much thought, care and time into it we forget what the real wedding meaning is.

just remember as long as you and tim are together in the end it doesn't matter what you wear.

while on our honeymoon, i did say "on our 5 year anniversary i'm going to have my flowers and a pretty dress!" well that was last year and it doesn't bother me so much maybe the kids are a helpful distraction.

i know you will look beautiful in your dress, and i know your wedding is going to be gorgeous and very special. wishing you positive thoughts and reminding you to breath!

Hannah Noel said...

I totally get the dress fears.
I'm in that same situation right now and its killing me. I hate not knowing that my dress is going to be perfect!