Raw goodness

I mentioned a while back that there were very few rings that Tim and I were able to agree upon. When we'd look at jewelry, it seemed that he despised anything traditional, and he wasn't a fan of diamonds for cultural and ethical reasons (the deBeers thing). I understand and respect that, but I'll admit I still had a hankering for something sparkly, even though I did want something different from a traditional solitaire. (The main reason I couldn't deal with a solitaire is that I am a complete and utter klutz, and I have visions of knocking the whole bauble off the band. Believe me, I could do it.)

That ring is real.

When we discovered Todd Reed's work (over a year before we chose my ring), we knew it was perfect. He works with both raw and polished diamonds, which we'd never seen before, and uses recycled gold and ethical/eco-friendly stones. Nothing even came close to having the same impact on both of us, and the nature of his work is such that even the cut diamonds have a more natural feel than they often do... I might even be able to get that little bit of bling I wanted! It seemed like we might be able to agree on something (imagine that...). So, true to form, I became obsessed with his website. Er... stalked it.

Some of my favorites from his full collection:

two bracelets

earrings, cufflinks

brooch, necklace

And my favorite rings (not necessarily for engagement rings or for myself - just purdy):

The three shown above are actually all men's rings, which I didn't know when I was seriously considering the last one! Oh well - I still love it.

I love mixed metals and really wanted to figure out how to incorporate white metal into my engagement ring, but I think his designs look best in yellow gold, and I also couldn't find a design I loved that would work with that idea. I was planning to get a plain white gold wedding band so the ring would look like the first men's ring above, but my plan changed when something happened - I'll fill you in on that soon, I promise. Strangely, though, after wearing lots of silver for my entire life, transitioning to yellow has been remarkably easy. I think it looks a lot better on me.

This is the design we ended up going with. I love its simplicity and strength - but it's still somewhat thin enough to look relatively delicate on my hand. I was able to specify that I wanted the raw stones to be as varied as possible, since they range in color from whites to yellows to reds to browns to grays. I also had one very small princess cut diamond put in there, which adds just a little bit of sparkle. It's 18K gold, which has a really deep, amazing glow. The two things I love most about the ring is that glint from the cut stone, and that the raw stones look completely different depending on the light - it's like I have three different rings! Also, I'll blog soon about my surprise wedding band, and Tim's awesome ring.

Here's my Todd Reed ring, in all its blurry-pic splendor:

I really wanted Tim to love my ring, too. I know not everyone feels that way, but it was our first major purchase together (albeit with HIS money), and it's something I hope we'll both be looking at and enjoying for a long time. 

If you have a ring, was it important to you that your fiance(e) like it as much as you? Did s/he give you free reign over the choice? Or did s/he pick it out for you?

All Todd Reed pictures property of the artist and from here.

Todayyyyyy is for Aaaaaa-myyyyyyy***

***from this hilarious song [lyrics; video] that has nothing to do with Amy except 1) wedding and 2) name.

A little over a month ago (I can't believe it's only been a month!), I started a new relationship. While Tim was gone. With someone I met online.

Her name is Amy, and I met her through the message boards on Weddingbee!

Rehearsal dinner thirst

Without ever having met in person, we've started an e-mail discourse that has taken us from talking about Cornell (her alma mater), to weddings, to gardening, to weddings, to family drama, to (yup) weddings, to Etsy, to relationships, to clothes... and to many things NOT wedding. I think Amy is a kindred spirit, and I feel really lucky to have "met" someone so similar to me who lives all the way across the country in Eugene, OR. I was terrible at keeping pen pals when I was a kid, so now's my chance!

Amy and Andy got married on June 22, at a Christmas tree farm near Eugene. Even before I saw all her AMAZING pictures, I knew that we share really similar approaches to our planning and aesthetic (and I also knew I'd be stealing--er, borrowing--a lot from her). We had even already independently planned some of the same minutiae! She DIY'd a ton of stuff and just generally had really, really beautiful details that made the wedding both simple (in the best possible sense of the word... like, un-fussy) and stunning. She used the rustic nature of the farm and surroundings to full advantage: they had perfect weather for their outdoor ceremony and reception, and from the looks of the pictures, the guests were all thrilled to be there. Take this:

Some of A & A's friends - this series is dubbed "the hills are alive" on their Flickr page.

Their colors were all shades of blue with white, which worked so well in the surroundings: the flowers looked very loose and unstructured and fit the vibe of the place, but the colors still stood out against all the lush green. 

I think the pictures pretty much speak for themselves. These are just a few of the 800 or so non-pro pics that Amy and Andy's friends have uploaded on Flickr - I think they were pretty pumped, no?

So without further ado...

The details:

 Zee keck. There was some minor drama surrounding it, but Amy says it turned out delicious despite some aesthetic issues. Looks mighty yummy to me (and purty)...

I think the effort put into this detail is AWESOME, whether it's by Amy or the venue.

  escort card display

The dapper Oliver J. Dogg. He wasn't the ring bearer but a supremely honored guest.

Beautiful ketubah from ketubahketubah.com. I really love that this is displayed for everyone to look at, since not everyone has had a chance to see a Jewish marriage contract before.

How in love am I with this boutonniere?!? Green blueberries! 

Amy's Twigs & Honey hairpiece - she scored one of the few that Myra makes for Oregon boutiques!

Kippot, programs, and water bottles for the guests

The ceremony:

The setup, pre-ceremony; Amy and her parents walking down the aisle

Andy's dad is an established composer who wrote all the music for their ceremony. SO amazing!! It was played by University of Oregon graduate students.

The chuppah carriers lead the way. A & A made the chuppah with birch poles from Nettleton Hollow and a tallis of Andy's.

I love these pictures.

The reception:

Table details: gorgeous flowers in galvanized pails and votives in jelly jars enhance the rustic feel.  The table numbers are adorable AND easy to read!

Amy says that she can't wait to get the pro pics back if only for the detail shots of the flowers, and that she basically tears up when she thinks about how perfect they were. In addition to the green blueberries (greenberries?) in the boutonnieres, her bouquet and the centerpieces also had baby green apples and pears. She loved her bouquet so much that she carried it around all night - even when people kept offering to put it somewhere for her! :-)

Cake-cutting is serious business. (I think this is one of the only pictures in which Amy isn't smiling!)

I can just tell from the pictures that this band rules - everyone was dancing up a storm! These pictures even make me want to dance at our wedding...

One of the best-known and -loved Jewish wedding traditions: the Hora (handkerchief dance)!

On the day of their wedding, the Jewish couple is to be treated like royalty. They sit in chairs while guests try to outdo each other entertaining them... hence the break-dancing. :-)

This pretty much says it all.

Congratulations, Amy and Andy - I wish you guys all the best. And thanks for providing so much great inspiration for our wedding! Amy, I'm thrilled that we've become friends, and I can't wait to meet you guys in person!!

Back tonight...

...with a vengeance. (I'm hoping to have several HOURS of internet access after 10 PM.)

If you check back 'round midnight EDT, [I hope] you won't be sorry... and if for some reason I fail to get connected, well, I'll just tell you that I'm a lot more bummed about it than you are.

A yummy taste of what's to come!

Pho, Licks, and Salon Gabby

We had a really wonderful time in Portland hanging out with Hillary and her family - the weather was fantastic, and the company was even better. It was a lot of fun being there after all the rehearsals and concerts were over, and things were better with Tim once I didn't have that stuff to think about.

After that, we were in Boston for a couple days, staying with our friend/bridesmaid Gabby. We went out with groomsman Vic and his girlfriend, Liz - ate at Le's (formerly Pho Pasteur), where we used to get takeout pho at least once a week. We now talk at least once a week about how much we miss it. Ain't no pho in Ithaca.

HELLS yeah! But no cilantro, please. (I know, I know... I wish it tasted good to me.)

Since we were still hungry (yeah, right), we went to J.P. Licks. Yum. Tim got his old standby - Kahlua ice cream with peanut butter cup topping. Gabby and I cracked up when we saw the expression on his face upon looking at his dish: pure, unadulterated joy. Gabby said she has never seen him look that happy. Let's see if we can reproduce that look on our wedding day. :-)

The J.P. mothership  source

The night Tim left, Gabby and I had total sleepover fun. First she straightened my hair (which usually doesn't look good but for some reason did that night):

Then she curled it - the inspiration was these pictures (please tell me if you know the sources!!):

...but it ended up looking kinda like my hair normally does (sorry Gab):

mmm, sweaty.

And then I played with makeup:

Of course, this all has special significance these days. I tried to get a little "bridal" with the makeup and succeeded in making my eyelids look ashy and unblended. Wow, I hope I don't do that all the time. I didn't apply any foundation or concealer - this was just to try out colors, not to get an actual "look."

I like the lipstick but might want something with a little more pink/berry (mmm... Pinkberry), and I'm never sure if I'm putting on too much blush. Here's a picture with a little more blush... but it still doesn't look like enough. In the mirror I looked like Raggedy Ann!

I'd like to do my own makeup because 1) I know what I like, 2) I'm pretty good at it (above eyeshadow job being the notable exception), and 3) I just can't justify spending all that money when I don't even get to keep the products! I'm going to go to Sephora next week and scope out primers and Make Up For Ever. Anyone have reviews of similar products they'd like to share? Are you doing your own makeup, or at least shopping for products first?

We interrupt this program

source

I think we're going to go in the "maximized program" direction a la Miss Cream Puff (except without sewing, as hilarity and subsequent tears would be inevitable), because there are many little things I'd like to explain about the wedding. I feel like the program is a way to do that somewhat concisely, without getting didactic in the ceremony.

Among them:

• Jewish customs and traditions
  
• readings/poems that won't make it into the ceremony but are nonetheless special to us
  
• the point of the allium and fiddleheads, which will be screened onto ties and shawls for the wedding party
  
• remembrances of my grandparents, and perhaps short explanations of how they're incorporated
  
• the usual info about wedding party, etc.
  
• and this...
  

source

Well, not that picture. But I would like to say something about marriage equality, as this is a very important topic to both of us. We lived in Boston at the time of the Goodridge decision (actually the same neighborhood the Goodridge family was from), and we're proud to have been so close to such a major part of history for gay rights in the US. 

The subject is definitely important enough to me to incorporate it into the ceremony text, but I wonder if it might be better to put it in the program where people might look at it later and give it more thought. Also, although I do have major problems with the idea that some of my friends (unlikely) or my parents' friends (maybe more likely) don't feel the same way we do, I certainly don't want to alienate them by making the ceremony a political forum. That was always a really frustrating thing for me at Oberlin's Jewish events: somehow, the very socially and politically active student body managed to make Shabbat about women's rights and the plight of the homeless. I'm equally concerned about these matters, but despite that, it wasn't the appropriate place.

Most Jewish events at my alma mater  source

Perhaps we could put it into our vows, though. Do you have any ideas of how to do this elegantly?

These issues aside, I'm still not sure about a much less heavy thing: what I want our programs to look like. The photo at the top has been my inspiration for a while, but I'm not sure how much paper will fit into it. As you've likely figured out by now, I can go a little overboard with the words. These gorgeous books from Etsy's Littleput Books have the same problem. But they sure are pretty... maybe it's just that the ribbons match our colors *exactly*:

source

How can I create something with my rudimentary crafting skills that would support several pages (maybe brown kraft paper?) and incorporate a pretty colored ribbon? What about a grommet at the top with a ribbon holding the pages together? Please help a girl out!

Independence

First off, I'm sorry for the light posting this week. We're in Maine right now, where I just played what might have been my last-ever concert with the Portland Symphony Orchestra.

It feels a little weird that the last tune we played was "Stars and Stripes Forever," but oh well.

Watch this video of the Boston Pops' version, and make sure to note how drunk the entire audience is: http:/youtube.com/watch?v=p3lGr6Cx6pQ&feature=related

Anyway, we're staying at our bridesmaid Hillary (aka Coach Z)'s mom's house, where we're spending the 4th. I'll have lots to blog about come Saturday, I'm sure.

Z

Happy long weekend, everyone!

Picture-less post

Tim is sleeping next to me somewhat peacefully right now, and my brain is going into overdrive. 

Since Tim returned from Ghana (two weeks ago), things have been pretty tense. We've been arguing a lot, spending more time on our computers than usual, and just generally not getting along. I know that part of the problem is the letdown he's feeling after a big, amazing trip, but there's more to it than that. 

He doesn't want to have a wedding.

Now, I didn't say he doesn't want to get married--it isn't that dire--and he also hasn't said outright that this is how he feels. But the Google reader, the indiebride, the wedding-related shopping, the overheard phone calls with my mom and my MOH, and yes, the blogging--they're all driving him nuts, not to mention the wacked-out sleep schedule (3AM to noon) I've been on since the beginning of June.

When we started talking more concretely about getting married, we had "the talk" about the wedding. Tim isn't in touch with his family (a long, sad series of events that have left him scarred but better off), and he doesn't have a lot of close friends. He's painfully, painfully shy. I'm sympathetic to these things and try to be understanding, but it sometimes becomes exhausting. I'm not saying that it's right for me to be exhausted by it - it's just reality.

I, on the other hand, have a small but close-knit family and many, many friends I consider close. I want them to be there. I've never been an envision-my-wedding kind of girl, but I've always known I wanted to have one. I assumed until fairly recently that I'd get married in Milwaukee (where I grew up), with 200+ of mostly-my-parents' friends, in a synagogue.

All three of those things were understandably difficult for Tim: a Milwaukee wedding would seem "mine" rather than "ours," and it had the potential to highlight the absence of his family; his shyness means that crowds (especially ones filled with a lot of strangers) are petrifying; and since he's atheist, a synagogue isn't exactly the most comfortable place for him. He knew that it's important to my family and me to be married by a rabbi, though, and that part of it was not as alarming as a rabbi and a synagogue.

The move to Ithaca changed my mind about location. I fell in love with Ithaca life immediately and could easily picture getting married there. I started to think about it more seriously and realized that if we chose to marry in Ithaca, a lot of my parents' friends would elect to stay home, making the guest list more manageable and intimate. I casually mentioned it to Tim a few times, and he seemed to warm up to the idea. Problems 1 and 2, gone.

I'm not sure if I mentioned yet that we started planning our wedding before there was a ring on my finger, which was a little awkward but ultimately fine with me - after all, the pipe dream of getting married was becoming reality, and that's what mattered! We agreed to have a rabbi and found a beautiful venue where we could have both ceremony and reception. Problem 3, check.

But as planning quickly heated up, I realized that Tim was just not into it. In fact, it's starting to feel like he doesn't want to hear about ANY of it, even the things (music, food) he'd normally care about. My summer schedule is allowing me to sleep, relax, and read all the Weddingbee I want to - and I feel fine with that. He seems to think my lazy days are emblematic of a bigger problem, though, and it's starting to frustrate me. I'm fine! I just want to look at fonts! I've tried to impose computer time limits for myself, get out of the house together and take walks or go places, and spend more time cooking or watching movies together. 

He does have his assigned projects, but he hasn't had to start those yet. I'm not worried about his finishing them... it's just that I want him to nod and smile when I say something about embroidered handkerchiefs, rather than make snide comments about them.

I know many (most?) brides put up with apathetic fiances. But actively hostile? That seems to be a more serious issue.

If your partner isn't actively involved in the planning process, is s/he supportive of your excitement? Or is it excruciatingly difficult to get any sign of interest? Aside from having more late-night cryfests, how can I work on this?